Migraine's Side Effects

I'm not talking about the side effects on me (i.e. headache, nausea, vomiting, dizzy, exhaustion, lethargy, etc.) but those on my family.

My husband has been to hell and back with me this past year since these migraines entered our lives. I'm not saying we're perfect, but we have a wonderful marriage. He's my perfect match and I feel blessed eternally for the choice I had in marrying him. It was smooth sailing for the first eight years of marriage and then these migraines struck us from the side.

Wow. Talk about hitting the brakes in life! It was so difficult for everybody in the home when they came because, "when mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." I spent two months on the couch. Getting up to do dishes or make dinner (things that before were so standard, needed and effortless) would trigger a migraine, massive dizziness and terrible nausea. So I only got off the couch for changing the movie (which I forced several a day on the girls) or dietary and restroom needs. My daughters learned to get food for themselves, though they would bring items to me for approval and access (like yogurt or cheese sticks).

Geoff would get home and toys would be all over, laundry not done, dinner not ready, girls bored and Mama...well I would go upstairs to bed after an exhausting day of laying down. And truly, after a day like that, I was exhausted and in pain.

I was spent. Geoff was spent (graduate school student and working and single parent). My girls....they had energy to spend. We all suffered. Looking back, Geoff and I marvel on how we all got through it. But we did.

My migraines since then have never been that bad. Back then, I had one big bad refractory migraine which the prednisone, after eight weeks of this, treated. I do have bad days still. But I know that they are migraines and so it takes the fear of "is this a tumor and am I going to die?" out of it. I also am building up a pain tolerance, so, for a lot of my migraines I can still function quite well and sometimes without medication. That is one of the beauties of our bodies: they adjust and get used to pain when something gets chronic.

Slowly, we are healing from last year. Slowly, my neurologist and I are getting better at treating my migraines. Slowly, my family is getting better at dealing with the migraines when they occur.

And I think this difficult transition we experienced and are still experiencing parallels with so many others' illnesses, be they migraines or other things much worse. I think the depression that went along with my migraines was the worst part. I am much more positive now with the migraines and my life. I am hopeful that I can find a good formula for preventing most of them, and am starting to get the formula down for treating them. And this is how life is.

We have a Father in Heaven who is mindful of us. I know this. He loves us. He strengthens us in our adversity to learn not just to endure our trials, but to endure them well.

To be able to communicate with my husband effectively is the most critical part of my healing. (I'm reading a book right now and the author, an oncologist and surgeon, writes about the difference between healing and curing. One can heal emotionally, without being cured physically. And he talks about the importance of this.) These migraines aren't going to just go away, it seems. So without them changing, we change. I adjust. My husband adjusts. My children can have a whole mother and a whole father through all of this and we can be a whole family, migraines and all.

I suggest to you migraineurs or anybody suffering: if you have difficulty expressing your emotions or your needs, if you feel your environment doesn't facilitate this process, consider going to a therapist! I haven't seen one for this problem, but I have considered it at times to learn to transition better. Migraines (or many other illnesses) can make you feel so powerless. But action on your part can be so empowering. Therapists can give you tools that will not only help you talk with your doctor more effectively, but your family as well.